


Real and Not Real

by BlainelovesKurt



Category: Glee, klaine - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Homophobic Language, Hospitalization, M/M, Suicide Attempt, depressed!blaine, ocd!Kurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 09:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10942125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlainelovesKurt/pseuds/BlainelovesKurt
Summary: After the engagement is broke off. Blaine lost his father for proposing to Kurt in the first place. His mom has to work twice as much as she used to in order to keep the house. Blaine feels worthless and alone and attempts suicide. Kurt finds him in the bathroom and sings "Your Eyes" to him from Rent.This is a fic of healing a relationship and managing depression.





	Real and Not Real

**Author's Note:**

> THIS FIC STARTS WITH A SUICIDE SCENE. DO NOT READ IF THAT IS A TRIGGER.
> 
> I am happy to tag triggers, so if I haven't tagged it feel free to tell me so that I can.
> 
>  
> 
> This fic was beta'd by justasmallbloginabigklainefandom on tumblr

> _**Prompt: After the engagement is broke off. Blaine lost his father for proposing to Kurt in the first place. His mom has to work twice as much as she used to in order to keep the house. Blaine feels worthless and alone and attempts suicide. Kurt finds him in the bathroom and sings "Your Eyes" to him from Rent. It's up to you if Blaine survives or not** _
> 
>  

Life had been hard on Blaine since the day Kurt Hummel shattered his heart into tiny little irreparable pieces. He’d been promised forever with him, but apparently Kurt hadn’t felt it worth it to be with Blaine. He didn’t blame him, Blaine knew he wasn’t worth it. He just hadn’t expected Kurt to realize it as well.

 

It had been a few months since that fateful night, and Blaine really had nothing to show for it. He’d been kicked out of NYADA when his grade slipped, meaning he could no longer stay in the dorms. He’d left New York within days of learning that news. New York had nothing left for him now that his short career as a Musical Theatre Major was gone, and he no longer had a fiance

 

He was back in Lima now. Nothing here seemed appealing here either. He’d almost gone to Dalton to see about a job, but he’d realised on the way that stepping foot in Dalton would be much too painful. Instead he went to Scandals with his fake ID and got drunk in the middle of the afternoon.

 

He’d mostly stuck to home after that. He vaguely remembered someone trying to take advantage of him and even if he kind of hated himself, he couldn’t bring himself to let anyone touch him. His heart, mind and body belonged with Kurt, whether he liked it or not.

 

Kurt. He heard that he was back in town. God knows what for. He hoped it wasn’t his dad. Kurt had enough bad things happened to him in his life, he didn’t need his dad sick again.

 

It didn’t matter. Whatever was happening wasn’t Blaine’s business anymore.

 

Soon Blaine’s business would be over anyway.

 

He was just a sore on everyone else’s life. His mom having to work two jobs just to keep up their lifestyle. Cooper probably ashamed of him for coming back home instead of making it on his own. His father, he’d left his mother when Blaine had stupidly proposed to Kurt. And what good was that? He’d torn apart his family and he didn’t even have a husband to show for it. And Kurt… just existing was a sore on Kurt’s life. He was always so annoying for Kurt.

 

He’d end it now before he could mess anything else up.

 

Everything was ready. A bath drawn. A straight razor sitting on the side, ready to be used. A bulky suicide note sitting on the sink.

 

It had taken awhile to figure out who to even address it to. Then he’d realized all the mistakes he need to apologize for. He’d written over ten pages before he forced himself to stop. He didn’t need to remind people of every mistake he’d made for them to know he was sorry for it. Sorry for being such a stain on their lives.

 

Blaine stripped out of his outer clothes, leaving a few articles on. He didn’t want to disturb whoever found him with his fat thighs and bulging stomach. He headed over to the tub, but stopped when a sudden urge hit him.

 

He turned around, picking up his phone and dialed Kurt’s number wanting to leave a voicemail to say goodbye. Instead he froze in shock as it was picked up after only two rings.

 

“Blaine!” Kurt answered happily. “I thought I was going to have to end up talking to you through Rachel.” Kurt voice changed to confusion when Blaine didn’t respond. “Blaine? Are you there?”

 

Blaine hung up the phone, dropping it back onto the sink where it started ringing repeatedly. Blaine backed away from it, his breathing starting to get shallow as he waited for it stop. It kept ringing, until finally a pause, and then the tone signalled he had a voicemail.

 

Blaine looked from the bath to his phone, conflicted. After a minute or so of thought, he decided to listen  to the message, hearing Kurt’s voice for the last time wouldn’t hurt.

 

He called his voicemail.

 

“Blaine, I know you’re probably still mad at me. I’m sorry. I really am.”

 

Another message.

 

“Blaine, if you didn’t want to talk to me, why did you even call?”

 

And another surprisingly.

 

“I’m a little concerned. If you didn’t want to talk to me, you’d just reject the call. But I don’t think you’re doing that.”

 

The phone started ringing again against Blaine’s ear and he dropped it in shock. The phone answered itself on speaker as it fell against the sink.

 

“Blaine?” Kurt’s voice rang out in concern.

 

Blaine sniffled as he finally realized he was sobbing.

 

“Is that you, honey?”

 

Blaine backed up putting his hands over his mouth. He let out a loud noise of shock when he backed up too far, falling backwards into the bath tub. Water splashed all over the bathroom floor as his head collided with the wall. He let out a noise of pain as blood started streaming down his face. His vision went black.

 

“Blaine?!”

 

* * *

 

_“Your eyes_

_As we said our goodbyes_

_Can't get them out of my mind_

_And I find I can't hide from_

_Your eyes”_

 

Blaine slowly came back to consciousness to the noise of an angel singing. Was he finally dead?

 

_“The ones that took me by surprise_

_The night you came into my life_

_Where there's moonlight_

_I see your eyes_

_How'd I let you slip away_

_When I'm longing so to hold you_

_Now I'd die for one more day”_

 

Blaine’s heart went out to the sad angel sobbing as he sang. He seemed so heartbroken, Blaine just wanted to fix all his problems so the angel never had a reason to be sad again.

 

_“'Cause there's something I should've have told you_

_Yes, there's something I should've have told you_

_When I looked into your eyes_

_Why does distance make us wise?_

_You were the song all along_

_And before the song dies_

_I should tell you, I should tell you_

_I have always loved you_

_You can see it in my eyes”_

 

Blaine suddenly became aware of something clutching his body tightly. He groaned wiggling and heard the angel gasp.

 

“Blaine? Oh god, Blaine come on. Please wake up.  Please honey, I’m so sorry baby. Come on sweetheart, come back to me.” He felt the angel gently stroke his cheek as it begged. It sounded like Kurt’s voice, but that couldn’t be right. Kurt hated him.

 

Blaine blinked, opened his eyes, and spit out a bunch of water that must have gotten into his lungs when he fell into the bathtub.

 

“Oh honey.” The angel exclaimed in happy disbelief, hugging him closer. “God Blaine, I was so scared!”

 

Blaine finally opened his eyes, wincing at the bright light.  “Am I dead yet?”

 

His body was suddenly shoved away, Blaine caught himself quickly. “No!” The person he still hadn’t identified told him angrily “What the hell, Blaine! Why would you try to- to.”

 

Blaine blinked again until he could finally make out the person. Kurt. It was Kurt, his eyes puffy with the tears that were flowing non stop as he paced back and forth.  

 

“What are you doing here?” He asked dumbly

 

“What am I- What. Blaine! You tried to kill yourself!” Kurt’s arms flailed wildly, Blaine noticed he was holding his goodbye note in his hand.

 

Blaine threw his head back miserably. “Yeah, apparently I can’t even do that right.”

 

“Why?” Kurt asked desperately

 

“Stupidity mostly, I guess. I mean who trips over a bathtub?”

 

“I thought you- you were.” Kurt cut off, putting his head in his hands as another round of sobs hit.

 

“I’m fine.” Blaine rolled his eyes

 

“You are far from fine, Blaine Devon Anderson!” Kurt accused “I- you were unconscious in an overflowing bathtub!”

 

“Well sorry I’m so useless! I can’t even kill myself properly!” Blaine clenched his hands, annoyed.

 

Kurt cried harder. “You need to get some help, Blaine.”

 

“Go away. I don't know what you're doing here in Ohio. But I don't need your pity.” Blaine told him meanly. “We both know you hate me. Let me just finish what I was doing and you can go back to whatever amazing life you have that you don't want me in!”

 

“Honey, I don't hate you” Kurt stopped his pacing and pulled Blaine close to him. “I could never hate you. I love you so much, Blaine.”

 

“Well you certainly have an odd way of showing it.” Blaine said sarcastically, not believing a word Kurt said. He pushed Kurt's hands away and crossed his arms over his stomach protectively.

 

“I- I know.” Kurt admitted shame showing all over his face. “I’m seeing a therapist about it.”

 

“Oh and now you think you’re an expert?” Blaine rudely responded. “In case you haven’t noticed the world will be a better place without me in it.”

 

“That is a lie and we both know it, Blaine Devon Anderson.” Kurt said annoyed. No one was allowed to talk about Blaine like that, even Blaine.

 

“Oh really? Because I can’t think of a single reason I benefit. I’m just a fat annoying college dropout with no job who lives with his mother. And eventually everyone sees that.” Blaine accused

 

“Is that really how you see yourself” Kurt asked, wiping away a tear from his eye. “Because the way I see it is you're incredibly attractive, the most interesting man in the country, full of so much love, you think kindly to even the most annoying assholes. You’re on track for being the biggest star on Broadway. You’re the cutest man I’ve ever seen and you still give me butterflies when you say my name. You’re intelligent, kind. God Blaine, I could go on for hours. You benefit the world by just breathing.”

 

Blaine rolled his eyes “Stop lying. I know you're just saying it try to stop me. You’ll deny saying it later.”

 

“Oh honey,” Kurt sighed sadly to himself.

 

Blaine heard sirens in the distance.

 

“What’s that?” Blaine accused

 

“Blaine, you’re still bleeding out of your head and when I got here you were barely floating above the water.” Kurt explained hopelessly, watching Blaine carefully for any sudden movement.

 

“Why can’t you just go away and let me die in peace?” Blaine muttered. “I’ve done enough to you. You don’t need to see me die.”

 

Kurt was about to respond, but a group of first responders rushed in. They took one look at Blaine and started their work.

 

Kurt stepped out of the way, worry all over his face. But when he heard Blaine try to refuse help he spoke up.

 

“He was- He tried to kill himself.” Kurt supplied, his tears turning into sobs once again now that someone was there for Blaine that could help him.

 

They didn’t take long to strap Blaine down on the stretcher and take him away.

 

“Now who are you in relation to Blaine?” one of the responders asked.

 

“I um-” Kurt struggled. What was he in relation to Blaine? An old friend? A stranger? A friend of the family? Would Blaine be mad if he claimed he was his fiance still? That was what Kurt moved back to Lima for. He wanted nothing more to be in Blaine’s life and one day married to him. “I- I’m not completely sure.” Kurt finally admitted. “We were fiancés, but-”   

 

“Say no more. I can release information to his fiancé.” the responder winked. “He’s going to Lima General’s emergency room.”

 

Kurt nodded as the responder left the room. He wiped the tears away and walked back into Blaine’s room. He hadn’t noticed before, but this was not what he remembered. There was an absence of pictures, Blaine’s camera collection packed up. The curtains securely closed.

His clothes barely hung up. An unmade bed. His instruments were pushed into the closet like he was just trying to get them out of his sight.

 

He’d never seen Blaine treat his things so carelessly. It was like he was trying to shut out anything that use to make him happy.

 

Kurt took a breath deciding to clean up some of the the mess to give the hospital more time to figure out if Blaine’s head injury was anything to be concerned about. He was more concerned with Blaine’s mental status. But he couldn’t believe that Blaine would let him be in the room to find that out.

 

He hadn’t actually believed Blaine about never forgiving him until this moment. And it terrified him. What was he going to do if Blaine never did? He decided to use his semester of work-study to come home specifically for Blaine.

 

And Blaine tried to kill himself.

 

He could have lost the chance.

 

Kurt berating himself. “What is wrong with me? Blaine is in the hospital and here I am wondering if I’ll get him back. And I’m cleaning, instead of being with him.”

 

Kurt looked around and decided it was clean enough. He hurried out to his car, wanting to get to Blaine. He promised himself that he would stop thinking about himself and devote as much energy possible to help Blaine.

 

He pulled away from the Andersons’ home and dialed Cooper with his hands free phone app.

 

It took about 5 rings before Cooper answered

 

“What do you want?” Cooper asked coldly

 

“Blaine’s in the hospital. He tried to” Kurt trailed off. Once he said it to someone it would be real and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.

 

“Tried to do what?” Cooper asked distracted. “Did you guys have kinky make up sex or something?”

 

Kurt ignored him “He tried to- to kill himself, Cooper. I found him with a head injury floating in the bath.” Kurt wiped away a tear as another round of sobs hit.

 

“Does Mom know?” Cooper sounded far more into the conversation. “Is he okay?”

 

“You’re the first person I’ve called. And I don’t know.” Kurt took a deep breath. “He kept telling me to go away so he could do it.”

 

“I’ll be on the next flight.” Cooper promised. “I’ll call mom. You just get to the hospital and keep us up to date.” Cooper’s voice turned cold. “Unless you think you’re too good for that too.”

 

“I’m heading there right now.” Kurt told him as he turned onto the street where the hospital was located. “And I’m really sorry. But I still love your brother with all my heart.”

 

He could practically hear Cooper roll his eyes.

 

They said their goodbyes as Kurt pulled into the hospital parking lot. Kurt shuddered thinking of all the times he had to be in this parking lot over the years.

 

Still he made his way inside the emergency room, impatiently waiting to hear an update on Blaine,.

 

As he waited he ran through the calming techniques his therapist told him about.

 

After about ten minutes, a nurse came out to get him. She explained Blaine’s condition while they made their way to the room.

 

“We’ve put him in bare room with a guard outside the door. All for his own safety of course.” She paused letting Kurt process. “His head injury is thankfully just a mild case of bleeding. Nothing gauze couldn’t handle.”  

 

They reached Blaine’s room and Kurt nervously walked in.

 

Blaine sighed in frustration.

 

“What are you doing here?” He seemed very drowsy

 

“We gave him a sedative. He was having a bit of an anxiety in the ambulance.” The nurse supplied as she left.

 

“I came because my bestfriend is in the hospital and I don’t want him to be all alone.” Kurt cautiously responded

 

“Who?” Blaine asked cluelessly

 

“You, of course honey.” Kurt sighed in relief. Blaine was his cute drowsy self like when he was hopped up on pain meds after he got hit by that rock slushie.

 

“No. You don’t love me anymore,” Blaine frowned unhappily. “No one loves me.”

 

“That’s not true. Cooper is on his way right now.” Kurt reassured. “And I will always love you, Blaine. I just made a huge mistake.”

 

“I made a mistake too.” Blaine frowned. “I’m such a despicable person. I kissed stupid Facebook guy. And destroyed everything.”

 

“I already forgave you for that years ago, Blaine.”

“I’m still awful. I was late for our date.” Blaine let out a frustrated groan.

 

“No honey, that was my mistake. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Kurt pushed the hair out of Blaine’s eyes sweetly

 

“My mom has two jobs you know? I don’t even have one!” Blaine started crying “I can’t even play music anymore!”

 

“Oh Blaine.” Kurt grabbed Blaine’s hand in sympathy. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to play again.”

 

Their conversation continued for a while, Kurt always reassuring Blaine that he was a good person.

 

They were so caught up in talking they didn’t hear another set of paramedics show up. They moved to help Blaine out of the bed and onto the stretcher.

 

“Wait, where are you taking him.” Kurt stood up a well.

 

One looked down at his paperwork. “They found a bed open at St. Rita’s”

 

“A bed?”  he asked confused

 

“Yeah,  Mr. Anderson here is on a minimum 72 hour hold. He’s got to go to a psychiatric facility.”

 

“But his brother is coming from California right now,” Kurt started to panic.

 

“There’s visiting hours there.” He handed Kurt a card that had the number for the facility. “Just call them and ask when they are.”

 

Kurt nodded panic receding, then moved to hug Blaine tightly. “I love you so much. And I’ll come for visiting hours as long as you want me there. Okay?”

 

Blaine hugged him harder to his chest, a few of his tears leaving a mark on Kurt’s shirt.

 

“It’s okay, they’re going to help you.” Kurt reassured.

 

* * *

 

Kurt went home once he saw the ambulance off and watched it leave.

 

He felt helpless.

 

Blaine was in pain and all Kurt could do is go visit him. But there was a very good chance that Blaine was not going to let him visit.

 

Once he told his dad, he decided he wanted to visit Blaine as well.

 

He wallowed in the realization that Blaine might let his dad visit, but not him.

 

He went to bed early that night. For hours he battled nightmares restlessly. Dreams like running to Blaine but never reaching him. Ignoring Blaine’s phone call and finding out Blaine had succeed in his plan to die.

 

He woke up repeatedly sobbing. Every time he fell back to sleep he was treated to another nightmare about not being able to help Blaine. He felt so powerless.

 

* * *

 

Bright and early the next morning his phone rang.

 

He looked down at the phone, an unknown caller. He decided that it wouldn’t hurt to answer.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hi” Blaine almost whispered over the phone

 

“Blaine!” Kurt tried to fit all his love into just Blaine’s name.

 

“I’m sorry you had to deal with my breakdown.” Blaine apologized

 

“I wanted too.” Kurt smiled absently

 

“You won’t have to deal with me anymore, I promise.” Blaine claimed, his misery apparent even over the phone. “And sorry for calling. I just needed to hear your voice, even if I am still mad at you.”

 

“Blaine. I want to be here for you..” Kurt stressed “I’m doing work study this semester because I had to come back and see my best friend. And I plan to woo you as much as you need to gain your love back.”

 

Blaine was silent for a minute “I don’t think you’d want this version of me.”

 

“I think I would love any version of you, as long as you let me in.”

 

“They put me on antidepressants.” Blaine admitted ashamed

 

“Me too.” Kurt sympathized  “It seems that not only do I have intimacy issues, but ocd as well.”

 

“You don’t have intimacy issues. You seemed pretty damn eager last time we-”

 

Kurt cut him off “Not that type. According to my therapist, I have issues sharing space that was originally just mine.”

 

“You don’t need a therapist to tell you that, Kurt.” This time Kurt knew Blaine was smiling.

 

“Haha,” Kurt grinned at Blaine’s teasing.

 

“This place is terrible,” Blaine admitted suddenly. “They made me remove most of my clothes and then they went through and asked about every scar on my body”

 

“That must have been really uncomfortable.” Kurt sympathized

 

“No, wait. I’m almost done.” Blaine said irritated clearly talking to someone where he was. Blaine’s voice became clearer as he put the phone back up to his ear.  “I have to go, we share the phones.”

 

“Oh Okay. I love you.” Kurt was a little disappointed.

 

“Do you really?” Blaine asked unsure “Because something in my head keeps telling me you’re just saying so because of what happened.”

 

“I love you with all my heart, Blaine Devon Anderson.” Kurt wanted to reach through the phone and hug Blaine to his chest.

 

“Ok. I’ll try to remember that.” Blaine still seemed unsure

 

“Do you mind if I come tonight for visiting hours?”  Kurt nervously asked

 

“Please come. My mom can’t get off of work and I don’t want to spend the entire time with Coop talking about himself.”

 

“I’ll see you at 6.”

 

“See you at 6”

 

“I love you.”

 

“You too,” Blaine mumbled into the phone after a few seconds.

 

The line clicked off and Kurt sighed. This was tough. He was just so worried about Blaine.

 

He decided to call around to their friends. Maybe it would be easier if he knew what lead to it all.

Unfortunately not even Sam had any information. He hadn’t even heard of their break up.

 

Blaine had obviously came home and isolated himself the entire time.

 

Kurt had to be sure, so he called all the Warblers he had the phone numbers of. Maybe some of Blaine’s ex friends had heard from him. He even called that asshole meerkat, Sebastian.

 

It was for naught. None of them had any new information. Although he did have to threaten Sebastian about what he would do if he dared to try to manipulate Blaine. Not that he told any of Blaine’s friends where he was. Blaine would want discretion.

 

* * *

 

Kurt spent hours trying to find the best outfit to wear for Blaine. It had to be hot enough to distract Blaine from remembering he was stuck in the hospital, but simple enough that he could wear it to the hospital. And preferably soft to encourage any desire for cuddling. He doubted that Blaine would want to, but he’d wear it just in case.

 

A large amount of his clothes would not pass the test. Drawstrings, zippers, his go to shoestring pants, anything spiked.  

 

In the end he settled for a simple pair of light colored skinny jean and a v-neck  He thought it might help Blaine feel better about whatever they had him wearing right now. And his light colored clothing helped with his dad. He hoped it would for Blaine as well.

 

He planned to stop by Blaine’s house on the way to pick up some clothes for him. Cooper couldn’t be trusted in this case. He’d probably end up bringing some of Blaine’s bowties and forget pants.

 

As much as Kurt knew Blaine loved his bowties, he was told by the hospital that they could be used as a weapon. It made him nauseous just thinking of the list of banned items. He never thought anyone could be that desperate to use a paperclip to hurt themselves.

 

Kurt sat in his room until he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to be near Blaine again.

 

He pulled out of the driveway after promising not to be home too late and request from his Dad to tell Blaine he hoped he’d feel better soon.  

 

On the way to Blaine’s, he called his therapist to have a quick mini session. They talked about all that had happened and how he was dealing with it.

 

Thankfully she seemed to agree with most of what he was currently doing.  But she warned that even if he did get Blaine back, it wouldn’t be the end. There were underlying issues that needed solved.

 

He felt relieved that he wasn’t screwing up. But he had a nagging feeling that he needed to be more for Blaine. He was terrified that maybe he wouldn’t be able to do it. And then he’d never fully have the love of his life back.

 

He arrived at Blaine’s, just as Cooper walked out.  As predicted Cooper was drastically unprepared.

 

“Back in the house,” Kurt commanded

 

“You lost the right to boss me around with what you did to Blaine,” Cooper told him as he continued to Blaine’s car, which he was borrowing while in town.

 

“Just go back in the house. They aren’t going to let you in dressed like that.” Kurt saw at least 3 infractions from where he was.

 

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Cooper asked petulantly

 

Kurt rolled his eyes and lead Cooper back inside.

 

They went through Cooper’s luggage in record time,and he pulled out a shirt and pants that Cooper could wear.

 

Kurt took the bag Cooper held and sighed when he saw that Cooper had forgotten actual shirts. He’d only grabbed the vests.

 

He headed to Blaine’s room. The room felt depressing now that he knew a little more about why it looked the way it did.

 

Wasting no time, he grabbed the essentials that Blaine needed.

 

On a whim he went over to where Blaine stored his scrapbooks. His heart stopped.

 

The books from the past 4 years were in an awful condition. They looked like Blaine tore out a bunch of water stained pages and then thought better of it and shoved them back in. There were pictures and memories sticking out of the sides, bent now from probably being forcefully shoved into their place.

 

Tears began flowing down his cheek again. If only Blaine had had someone. If only he wasn’t such an idiot, this wouldn’t have happened. Blaine would still be in Bushwick with him and he would of felt loved.

 

Kurt tried to ignore the voice that rightfully claimed that wouldn’t be true. Blaine wouldn’t be there, because Kurt would have done something else stupid since he never would have tried therapy.

 

He tried to put the scrapbooks out of his mind as he headed toward the hospital.

 

* * *

When he got to the hospital, he noticed Cooper had arrived before him. As much as it bothered him to miss time with Blaine, he decided to wait a little before going in himself.

 

Blaine rarely had time with his big brother, and he knew he craved the attention from Cooper.

 

He’d give them twenty minutes

 

* * *

 

Kurt went through the security process and dropped off what he brought Blaine with a nurse, who claimed she needed to check it for anything Blaine couldn’t have.

 

He was about to step into the visiting room when he heard Blaine talking.

 

“I’m not going to tell him to leave, Coop,” Blaine sighed in frustration. “Against all odds, he still loves me, I think.”

 

“What happened to him being a fussy uppity ass?” Cooper asked disappointed, “I thought you vowed to be rid of Kurt?”

 

“I never said that. You did.” Blaine told him in disbelief,  “Not to mention I would never call Kurt that. Even when I was struggling in the dorms, I loved him. I still do.”

 

“So what squirt, you're going to just forgive him and run off into the sunset together?” Cooper asked in disbelief. “I actually have an audition for a scene like that in a couple of weeks.”

 

“I’m not just going to forgive him.” Blaine reassured. “He still hurt me a lot. I felt like Sadie Hawkins all over again. Only I didn’t have any physical injuries.”

 

“See that’s why I don’t understand. He hurt you and yet you still want to be with him?”

 

“He’s my soulmate Cooper.” Blaine gave him an unimpressed look. “And hurting each other happens in relationships, even platonic ones. Just because you run every time you argue with anyone, doesn’t mean I do. Besides, he saved me, even when I didn’t want to be.”

 

“He’s still incredibly bossy. He forced me to go change clothes earlier.” Cooper informed him still a little annoyed about it. “I’m going to have to go home and change for my date tonight.”

 

“You probably looked like an idiot.” Blaine smiled slightly.

 

Kurt took that as his cue to come into the room, acting like he’d just gotten there.

 

“Hey Blaine.” Kurt gave him a small smile. He turned to Cooper. “Cooper, You’re looking a less ridiculous than normal. I wonder why.”

 

Blaine laughed against his hand and Kurt called that a victory.

 

Kurt took a seat next to Blaine on the couch they were sitting on.

 

“Don’t let me stop you. You two seemed to be deep in concentration.” Kurt added, giving Cooper a glare over Blaine’s head, making it clear that he’d heard their conversation.

 

“It was nothing. Just small talk.” Blaine replied, not picking up on the tension between Cooper and Kurt. Both wanting good for Blaine, but disagreeing with what it was.

 

“Well in that case.” Kurt smiled at Blaine’s redirect. “My Dad say he hopes you feel a little better soon.”

 

“I didn’t realize he cared.” Blaine admitted

 

“Of course he does, Blaine.” Kurt reassured touching Blaine’s arm. “And when you do feel better, he, well both of us, invite you to Friday Night Dinner.”

 

“Really?” A true smile appeared on Blaine’s face.

 

“Really.” Kurt smiled in return, feeling relieved that Blaine could smile. “And if it would make it easier we could invite Rachel too, so the focus isn’t on you.”

 

“Is it mean to say her show was a little…” Blaine trailed off.

 

“Awful? Insulting? Weird? ” Kurt supplied.

 

“I was going to say bad and a little uncomfortable, but that works too.”

 

“Hey, wait your friend had a show and you didn’t even tell me?” Cooper asked, insulted.

 

“It wasn’t very good Cooper, it didn’t even get past the pilot.” Blaine assured.

 

“That doesn’t matter, I could’ve saved the show with my brilliance!” Cooper guaranteed .

 

“I’m sure.” Blaine sighed, exasperated by Cooper.

 

“Hey Cooper, don’t you have that thing to do?” Kurt asked in displeasure. They were suppose to be cheering up Blaine, not irritating him

 

Cooper looked at his watch. “Oh, you’re right, I have a date with this girl I met from Lima Heights. And you know how they are.” He winked. “Well, maybe you don’t.”

 

Kurt looked at Cooper with a bit of disgust. He didn’t actually think Cooper would schedule something when he should be with his little brother.

 

“You don’t mind, Blaine do you?.” Cooper really didn’t ask. He was gone before Blaine could really respond.

 

Kurt glared after him.

 

“Sometimes he’s a little single minded.” Blaine explained. Like he needed to explain his brothers action.

 

“He’s an idiot, Blaine.” Kurt sighed as he took Blaine’s hand and squeezed it.

 

“I know.” Blaine whispered sadly.

 

Kurt pulled him into a hug. “So I was thinking about what you were saying about having trouble believing things.”

 

Blaine nodded curiously, not knowing where Kurt was going with it.

 

“Remember when we watched that Hunger Games movie? Mockingjay.”

 

“I remember.” Blaine assured. “I still think the book was better.”

 

“Well, even better.” Kurt grinned at Blaine’s thoughts about the book. “Do you remember when Peter got brainwashed?”

 

“Peeta, but go on.”

 

“Right, but do you remember what Katniss did to help him? Real or Not Real?” Kurt explained

 

“Oh.” Blaine’s smile grew understanding exactly what Kurt meant. “That’s actually a good idea.”

 

Blaine went silent for a moment. He took a deep breath. “You’re just pretending to love me so I don’t kill myself?”

 

“Not Real.” Kurt consoled. “Never in any universe or time.”

 

“You’re visiting me because you feel guilty about everything?”

 

“Not Real. I feel very guilty for hurting you. But that’s not the reason.” Kurt explained soothingly. “I need to make sure you’re okay. I spent all night have nightmares that I’d gotten there too late. It felt like I-” Kurt took a deep breath. “Like a part of me died with you.” Kurt stubbornly wiped away the tears that started falling. “You’re my better half, Blaine.”

 

Blaine smiled sadly at Kurt’s admission. Try as he might he was starting to realize he couldn’t stay angry at him. And if he ignored the awful thoughts that were still telling him that no one actually loved him and how useless his existence was, he could tell that Kurt was completely genuine with his words and actions.

 

Blaine pulled Kurt in for a hug, still not quite ready to resume their relationship.

 

“Did they tell you I have depression again?” Blaine asked against Kurt’s neck

 

“It’s okay, Blaine. We’ll manage the symptoms together.” Kurt promised a he ran his fingers through Blaine’s loose curls. “Wait, again?”

 

“I was diagnosed right after Sadie Hawkins. My mom insisted I needed to talk to someone.” Blaine explained bitterness dripping off every word. “My father discontinued it after a few months though. He claimed that the therapist was supporting my ‘gay phase’.”

 

“Blaine, I don’t think depression just goes away because you stopped treating it.” Kurt sighed wearily as he added another reason to hate Blaine’s father.

 

“That’s what the Doctor said too.” Blaine murmured as he relaxed his head on Kurt’s shoulder. “Your sweater is really soft. One of my favorites”

 

“I know.” Kurt grinned at Blaine’s assessment of his sweater. A rush of satisfaction ran through his body that Blaine liked it. “So you saw a Doctor?”

 

“Just a quick visit to make sure there was nothing physically wrong.” Blaine explained “I saw a psychologist too. He put me some medicine.” Blaine’s smile fell.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with needing medicine, Blaine.” Kurt confided. “I have to take a few pills everyday too.”

 

Blaine nodded in relief that there was no judgement from Kurt.

 

“Sam and Tina hate me?” Blaine asked suddenly

 

“Not Real. Sam didn’t even know you were in Lima, Blaine.” Kurt reasoned “And Tina’s off at Brown. She’s really busy. That has nothing to do with you. She wouldn’t be avoiding you.”

 

“Cooper said he loved me.” Blaine admitted unsure

 

“Real. He flew across the country practically right after I got off the phone with him to get to you.” Kurt took one of Blaine’s hand and squeezed it “Plus he won’t stop being rude to me.”

 

“Are you sure? Because he left me for a date?” Blaine bit his lip nervously

 

“Cooper loves you. He just has an odd way of showing it.” Kurt resisted the urge to scoop Blaine up and hug him tightly

 

“You think Cooper is more attractive and would prefer him over me?” Blaine whispered very low trying to hide the tear that came from admitting one of his deep fears.

 

The thought had bothered him for years. Ever since Cooper came to visit in junior year and Kurt changed his ringtone to Cooper’s stupid commercial.

 

“Oh, Blaine honey,” Kurt leaned over and kissed Blaine’s forehead “Not real. Your brother is not my type. I’m not into airheads who insult Broadway and hurt my best friend with their flakey promises.” Kurt comforted. “I prefer a sweet, talented, intelligent, attractive, and vertically challenged man who works hard for what he gets.”

 

“Visiting Hours are now over. All Guests proceed to the exit.” A voice announced over the intercom.

 

Kurt visibly deflated. “I guess it’s time to leave.”

 

“Will you come tomorrow? My mom said she might be able to switch shifts so she can come. But I can have 2 visitors.” Blaine pleaded.

 

“Of course I will. And you can call whenever you want. I’ll answer no matter what.” Kurt soothed squeezing Blaine’s hand. “I left some clothes and your favorite books with the nurse. Make sure you ask them about them.”

 

Blaine nodded, not letting go of Kurt’s hand.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, honey.” Kurt gave him a big hug and if he didn’t know better he could swear Blaine kissed his neck.

 

“Bye Blaine.” Kurt hugged him again, wondering how he could still smell so uniquely Blaine without his products.

 

Blaine still didn’t let Kurt’s hand loose.

 

Kurt brought him to the door of the visiting room. “I love you Blaine.”

 

Suddenly as if even Blaine didn’t know he was going to do it, Blaine kissed Kurt hard.

 

It took a second for Kurt to respond happily. He missed Blaine’s perfect lips against his and how comfortable it made him to have their love shown through the kiss.

 

Blaine pulled away blushing, chiding himself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Blaine finally let go of Kurt’s hand, his head bowed cutely. Kurt knew Blaine enjoyed the kiss just as much as he did.

 

“I’m not complaining.” Kurt teased. “And I know that doesn’t change things. I am still going to woo you as long as it takes.”

 

He hugged Blaine one more time, then left.

 

* * *

 

When Kurt got home, he started a new project. He called it a “We love Blaine” party set for the day Blaine got out of the hospital. It would take some time and energy, not to mention it didn’t really have a set date. But Kurt knew it would be worth it.

 

He planned to call around to all the members of glee, past and present. He relied on the New Direction phone tree to contact those he didn’t have the numbers of. He called a few Warblers as well that Blaine still had good memories of.

Anyone he could get to come, would write down at least 1 reason they loved Blaine and either present it for him or put it in a jar so when Blaine was feeling down he could pick one out to cheer him up a little.

 

He got a hold of Tina, Sam and Rachel fairly fast. Tina said she’d come back for a few days if it was for Blaine. Sam agreed without any hesitation. He claimed to miss their larping and fanfiction nights.

 

Rachel was a whole other story. He snapped at her. He knew she was sad about her show and needed to talk to someone, but he could only handle one Diva at a time.

 

He was in love with Blaine, so he was the Diva that got his attention.

 

Kurt felt that was important she knew. He knew that one day Blaine would be his husband and that meant he’d always be his first concern.

 

He’d dropped the ball on that several times, by choosing Rachel over Blaine when both of them were dealing with something stressful. His therapist had pointed it out to him very early into their sessions.  

 

He suggested that Rachel should go out for coffee with Cooper. He knew how it felt to be rejected by Hollywood. Plus with Rachel and Cooper occupied it would prevent them from trying to take over.

 

Rachel also admitted that Glee club was looking for a new teacher, but she was too blue to do it herself. He knew she was fishing for a compliment, but he knew once he started that somehow he’d be dragged into Rachel’s issues, so he refrained.

 

He did take her suggestion to help the glee club. He needed a work study and what better than having the power and control of Glee like he wished when he went to McKinley.

 

By the time he’d decided to go to bed, he had answers from half of the original members and few newer members.

 

He also put together a structured lesson plan for the Glee Club for the interview that he was able to arrange.

 

* * *

 

Kurt awoke to the sound of his phone going off. It was Blaine if his ringtone was any indication.

 

“Morning, Blaine” Kurt answered sleepily.

 

“How does Sebastian Smythe know I’m here, and get the numbers to this phones?” Blaine asked, irritated.

 

“I don’t know, you know how the Warblers are.” Kurt told him honestly.

 

“Are you sure? He said something about a party, I think.” Blaine shuddered “Well between sexual harassing me and saying things about you.”

 

“Oh.” Kurt’s heart fell. “I don’t know how it got back to him, but I may have been planning something for when you get out. But all I told anyone was that you were coming back from a trip.”

 

“Kurt,” Blaine responded in a pained tone.

 

“He must have said some terrible things if you’re this upset.” Kurt observed in concern.

 

“Am I only worth a good fuck?” Blaine asked upset and hurt. “And too much work now?”

Kurt tried to quell the anger that rose up in him at Blaine’s words. “You are perfectly imperfect, honey. And just because a jerk like Sebastian, who if you remember was all about the one night stands not relationships, says you're not relationship material, doesn’t make it true.”

 

“He said you were bored of me of taking care of me and that I should just ‘give in’ and meet him at Scandals.”

 

“Not Real, Blaine. He’s just trying to prey on your feelings so he can get you drunk and get you to do something you’ll regret.” Kurt reassured “Unless you wouldn’t regret it?

 

“He means nothing to me, Kurt,” Blaine sighed

 

“See, Blaine. You know it's pointless to listen to him.” Kurt reminded.

 

“I know, but it felt like he was parroting the thoughts in my brain. So I had to call you,” Blaine explained nervously. Maybe he was putting too much on Kurt. They weren’t even dating and yet Kurt was still there to help him. More so than he could ever remember. It made him wonder if he was overcompensating trying to get him back, or if the therapy Kurt claimed he was in was working for him.

 

“I’m here any time, Blaine.” Kurt promised

 

“Hey Andersin! You talking to that fairy you practically humped yesterday? Tell him if he comes back I’ll beat both your asses.” An angry voice came from Blaine’s side of the phone. Kurt heard a smack.

 

“Who is that? Go report him to the nurses! You’re trying to heal for damn sakes!” Kurt demanded angrily.

 

“It doesn’t matter, Kurt. From what I can tell he’s harmless,” Blaine pacified “You don’t have to come tonight if it scares you though. I’ll understand.”

 

“I’m coming to see you, unless you changed your mind,” Kurt paused giving Blaine time to object. “And someone hitting and bullying you is not harmless.”

   
“Kurt, we’re in Ohio. I doubt that the nurses will do more than tell him to stop. And when has that ever worked on a bully?” Blaine reasoned.

 

Kurt was not convinced and had every intention of telling the nurses when he came to visit. Maybe they could move that person elsewhere.

 

“Besides I get out tomorrow, right?” Blaine said optimistically.

 

Kurt sighed deeply. “I don’t think it works that way”

 

“Of course it does, it’s a 72 hour hold. As in they only hold me for 72 hours.” Blaine explained positively. “And I’m fine now.”

 

“Actually according to the nurses you stay until your psychiatrist says you can leave.” Kurt claimed sad that he had to break Blaine’s bubble of happiness.

 

“But I only see him once a day for 5 minutes!” Blaine was shellshocked. “How could he possibly know?”

 

“I don’t know. I think I annoyed the nurses with all my questions.” Kurt admitted, embarrassed.

 

“Time for group!” A woman was yelling. The voice lowered “The phone turns off during group, Blaine so make it quick.”

 

“I have to go now, Kurt” Blaine sounded disappointed

* * *

 

Kurt tried to distract himself from the thought of what Blaine might be dealing with at that very moment, nearly the entire day.

 

His interview was a little stilted as he tried to stay on topic, but it didn’t matter. The job was offered to him after about 5 minutes as long as he agreed to do it for free. Thankfully NYADA didn’t require that he had to make any money at his work study.

 

His next concern was to find members. He thought of Kitty and decided to start there. But she was adamant that she was not going to go through the pain Glee Club caused her.

 

He promised her a spot if she changed her mind and invited her to the party for Blaine.

 

Kurt decided to put up sign up sheets. It had attracted him and his friends. Maybe he’d find the next big stars that way.

 

* * *

 

Kurt’s visit to Blaine that night was similar to the night before. They played Real or Not Real, but this time Blaine’s mom, Pam was there to quell some of the thoughts that Kurt couldn’t answer.

 

Overall Blaine seemed to be happier than he was the day before. But he was disappointed that Kurt was right. He wasn’t going home the next day. They still felt he needed to be observed.

 

When visiting hours were over, Kurt left right after Pam. He found himself cornered in the parking lot.

 

“I have to thank you for saving him.” Pam said seriously

 

“It was nothing. I just heard him yell and reacted,” Kurt explained, knowing that was not the end of the conversation.

 

“I wasn’t aware that you were in contact with him. It surprised me when you showed up.” Pam asked carefully.

 

“I came back to Ohio for Blaine. And I plan to marry him if he’ll let me. I don’t have anymore doubts.” Kurt said stopping her short. “And right now I’m just trying to be a good friend, since he is my best one.”

 

“Don’t you dare hurt him again, Kurt.” Pam warned. “I don’t think I could handle hearing that my baby was in the hospital again.”     

 

“I promise I’ll try not to.”

 

* * *

 

Kurt’s days pretty much stayed the same that week. He talked to Blaine nearly every morning, went into work and auditioned new members for New Directions. Then he’d go home, changed out of his fashionable teacher style and into his light colored clothes for Blaine’s recovery, and spent his time with Blaine during visiting hours.

 

So far with the New Directions he’d found a few promising performers.

 

There were two Cheerios that were clearly twins who  had performed together before. He was still trying to convince Kitty.

 

While talking to Trent on the Warblers phone tree, which he threatened them that no information was to get to Sebastian, he found out there was a girl petitioned to join the Warblers. He was keeping an eye on that situation.

 

He’d also made progress with the New Directions phone tree. He’d found Marley, Jake, Ryder and Unique.

 

He managed to convince Unique to come back to McKinley as long as Rachel wasn’t in charge. She seemed to have an issue with Rachel not knowing their names, but the others couldn’t leave their new school.

 

They all agreed to come to Blaine’s party.    

     

* * *

 

On Friday night he got a call from Pam after he got home from visiting Blaine. She told him to tell anyone that was coming to his party that Blaine was getting out tomorrow afternoon after lunch.

 

He scrambled to inform the Warblers and New Directions phone trees.

 

* * *

 

The next day dawned bright. He talked to Blaine like normal and he really did seem more like his old self. He couldn’t wait to see him out of that hospital.

 

He spent his whole morning setting up for the party. He expected about 20 show choir people and he assumed they didn’t plan to leave once they explained why they loved Blaine.

 

Kurt didn’t know what to put on his card. He’d written a list and to fit them all the words would be too small, they'd be illegible. In the end he filled the jar up halfway, only stopping because his hand cramped.

 

When the party started, his house filled up with far more than 20 people. He realized his mistake. Someone leaked it to the high schoolers.

 

Kurt found Tina and Rachel in the crowd. He grabbed them and brought them into the kitchen.

 

“You two need to help me clear this party out to the people Blaine actually knows.” Kurt begged

 

Rachel crossed her arms stubbornly. “You won’t listen to me, why would I help?”

 

“Just help, Rachel” Tina rolled her eyes.

 

“Thank you, Tina.” A sense of relief ran through his body.

 

“Fine. But you’re explaining what this party is even for when I’m done.” Rachel demanded

 

Kurt nodded and watched as they walked back into the party. He went to the front door to stop people before they came in.

 

Immediately he was turning people away. After 5 minutes of frustration, he finally snapped at the people. “This is not a teenage party! If you do not know Blaine Anderson, go away or I’ll sic a Puckerman on you.”

 

About half of the people waiting walked away, knowing Puck’s reputation.

 

There were people streaming out of the house as well. Kurt wondered what the girls were doing to cause it. He stopped wondering when Unique showed up with 4 other people.

 

“You better know all our names or we walk,” Kitty informed

 

Kurt rolled his eyes “Kitty I’ve been trying to recruit you for a week.”

 

“Then what are their names?”

 

Kurt looked at them thoughtfully. “Unique obviously, Puckerman two is… Jake. Which make you Ryder the football player.” Kurt pointed at the last girl. “And you’re Marley, the brilliant song writer.”

 

“Lucky guess” Kitty said unimpressed

 

“Not lucky, Blaine’s talked about you.” Kurt said as they walked into the house.

 

Once they turned the party back into an event for Blaine, all they had to do was wait. There were a couple of almosts as Sugar announced herself and Brittany and Santana showed up.

 

Finally Kurt saw Blaine’s mom’s car. He told the group.

 

“Should we hide?” Ryder asked

 

The group argued over the question until the doorbell rang and Kurt glared at them to shut up.

 

Kurt answered the door and hugged Blaine tight as greeting.

 

“You’re feeling better now right? No bad thoughts?” Kurt worried

 

“I’m okay.” Blaine assured

 

Kurt lead Blaine into the living room where everyone was gathered. He dropped Kurt’s hand and ran into the kitchen. Kurt quickly followed him

 

“Jesus, Kurt did you invite everyone we’ve ever met?” Blaine asked out of breath.

 

“No. I just invited the people who love you.” Kurt said guiltily “What’s wrong?”

 

“Could you get my a bag to breath into? I’m having an anxiety attack.”

 

Kurt rushed over to one the drawers pulling out a brown paper bag, handing it to Blaine.

 

“I’m- I know you meant well, but god Kurt. I just got out of the hospital.”

 

“Do you need to lean against something? Or sit down?  Do you need a hug, would that help? I know it helps me” Kurt babbled feeling helpless

 

Blaine walked into his arms and Kurt held him tightly.

 

“I’m sorry, Blaine” Kurt murmured kissing Blaine’s hair.

 

After a few minutes, Blaine’s breathing was back to normal.

 

“Okay, I think I’m okay. But whatever you planned, could we do it in parts.”

 

“Sure, anything you want.” Kurt smiled relieved that he hadn’t ruined everything. “Meet me in the dining room.”

 

Kurt went out to the living room and brought Brittany, Santana, Tina, Sam and Mercedes to the dining room.

 

“I don’t know what weird mating ritual of yours this is, but we just came because we had some free time.” Santana noted

 

“That’s nice for you.” Kurt glared

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in town, man?” Sam piped up.

 

“How about we tell Blaine why we love him?” Kurt redirected. “Instead of overwhelming him?”

 

“Oh! I love that you're a unicorn like Kurt.” Brittany volunteered

 

“I love how we’re best friends and how you read Star Wars fanfiction. You add a lot to the words.” Sam added

 

“You're not his best friend.” Kurt growled under his breath.

 

Blaine burst out laughing looking at Kurt who was pretending he hadn’t said anything. This continued through a number of Blaine’s friends, with Kurt commenting under his breath so only Blaine could hear.

 

When Rachel came in, Kurt sighed.

 

“Before I tell you what a brilliant partner I find you to be, I want to know what this is about and why Kurt is neglecting his friend duty.” Rachel demanded.

 

“That is none of your business, Rac-.” Kurt started. He stopped when he felt Blaine’s hand on his shoulder.

 

“I tried to kill myself, Rachel.” Blaine admitted freely. “And Kurt thought this might help me.”

 

“Why would you that? Think of all the wasted talent.” Rachel questioned.

 

“I wasn’t, I’ll admit that.” Blaine conceded.

 

“So why was Kurt neglecting, me, his soulmate then?” Rachel asked.

 

“I sent you out with Cooper, that’s not neglect.” Kurt sighed really not wanting to talk about Rachel right now.

 

“All he did was talk about himself. It was so annoying.” Rachel complained.

 

“I can only imagine.” Kurt nodded thoughtfully pretending to agree with Rachel.

 

He shoo’d Rachel out of the room.

 

“For the record, I do not think Rachel is in anyway my soulmate.” Kurt sighed

 

“I can’t believe you set her up with Cooper.” Blaine laughed

 

“They were bothering me” Kurt excused

 

“Why weren’t you helping her? She just lost her show and her Dads are divorcing. I’m sure she needs to talk about it.” Blaine asked, confused.

 

“I’m done putting her first.” Kurt told him seriously. “I didn’t even realize I was until my therapist pointed it out.”

 

Blaine gave Kurt a thoughtful look. “You’re going to put me first?”

 

“Real.” Kurt confirmed.

 

Blaine gathered Kurt into a kiss not taking any time to deepen it. Kurt enthusiastically responded. Kurt moaned as Blaine nibbled on his lip. He pushed Blaine against the wall before trailing kisses on Blaine’s neck.

 

“What does this mean?” Kurt asked breathlessly. His lips were trailing down to Blaine’s collarbone.

 

“Just want you,” Blaine responded bucking his hips against Kurt.

Kurt took Blaine’s distraction to pick him up. Blaine’s legs locked in their place around Kurt’s waist as Blaine sucked a hickey on Kurt’s neck.

 

Kurt was still worried. “This isn’t a symptom, right?”

 

“No. Stop thinking.” Blaine brushed off as he tangled his hands in Kurt’s hair. Still working on the hickey. “Just fuck me.”

 

Kurt nodded let out a moan as Blaine nibbled softly at his neck.

 

“I’m not fucking you where we have dinner,” Kurt explained as he hurried out of the dining room and snuck upstairs to his bedroom. He hoped no one had seen them and that his erection wasn’t obvious.

 

He threw Blaine on his bed and went to work on getting his clothes off.

 

Blaine lounged on the bed shamelessly enjoying the view of a soon to be nude Kurt. “My memory doesn’t do you any justice.”

Kurt blushed at the compliment and removed his clothes a little slower to give Blaine more of a show. “Clothes off, Blaine.” Kurt reminded him as Blaine simply stared

 

Blaine grinned stripping of his clothes and carefully folded them knowing that always made Kurt more enthusiastic. He grabbed the lube out of Kurt’s bedside table and started to prepare himself while Kurt went to his closet to hang up his shirt.

 

When Kurt turned around, he almost came from the sight. Blaine shamelessly putting his hole on display as he fingers stretched himself.

 

Kurt rushed over kissing Blaine hard and pushed Blaine’s hand away so he could take over. Blaine’s hands roamed everywhere on Kurt, memorising his body again. Kurt’s hand cradled Blaine’s head in his hand as they kissed.

 

“So beautiful” Kurt murmured against Blaine’s lips “So perfect.”

 

“Want you inside me” Blaine murmured desperately.

 

Kurt pulled away from the kiss to help Blaine position himself. As Blaine sunk down, they both moaned in relief, having missed the feeling.

 

Blaine pushed down harder to take more of Kurt faster.

 

“Fuck me hard, Kurt” Blaine demanded. “I wanna feel it”

 

Without question, Kurt did just that, thrusting down into Blaine fast and hard. He shifted slightly letting Blaine wrap himself around Kurt’s waist. He gasped at the new angle, pushing in deeper as his hands made their way into Blaine’s hair to tug slightly

    

Blaine moaned deeply at the feeling, getting closer. He started trailing kisses along Kurt’s chest, stopping to leave hickies everywhere, knowing which places were impossible to cover.

 

Kurt got lost in the sensation of thrusting into Blaine’s tight ass, chasing his orgasm as Blaine’s lips trailed their way to Kurt’s ear

 

“I love you, Kurt” Blaine whispered into his ear with as much feeling as he could manage.

 

Kurt came at the sound of Blaine’s confession and the sensation pushed Blaine over the edge as well.

Kurt let himself collapse on Blaine, as Blaine’s arms wrap themselves around him.

 

He let himself fall out of Blaine and groaned. “You haven’t been with anyone else, right?” Kurt asked nervously knowing Blaine’s answer could ruin the mood. “Because we forgot a condom”  

  

“No. Not that guys at Scandals didn’t try.” Blaine reassured.

 

“Good, I haven’t either.” Kurt admitted.

 

“Now I’m not done with you.” Kurt captured Blaine’s lips and kissed him softly, taking his time to enjoy the feeling of a sated Blaine underneath him. “I missed this, I missed you.”  

 

“I missed you too.” Blaine grinned against Kurt’s lips, bumping his nose against Kurt’s.

 

Kurt moved off of Blaine to collapse next to him, not wanting to crush him after they came down from their high. Blaine curled his body around Kurt’s with his head on his chest.

 

“So are we going to talk about those scars on your thighs?” Kurt asked apprehensively.

 

“Can I say no?” Blaine asked not wanting to discuss it at this moment.

 

“Have you at least been making sure they don’t get infected?” Kurt worried.

 

“No?” Blaine told him embarrassed. “I didn’t want to.”

 

“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt sighed sadly kissing the top of Blaine’s hair. “If you do that again, not that I condone it, will you let me keep it uninfected?”

 

Blaine nodded in agreement.

 

“How about the bruise you have on your hip?” Kurt asked in concern.

 

“Oh that idiot punched me.” Blaine said nonchalantly, “But they moved him to a new unit.”

 

“Blaine! I told you it was serious threat.” Kurt frowned

 

“He wasn’t though, Kurt.” Blaine reassured. “Turns out he tried to kill himself rather than tell anyone he was gay.”

“Well he still hurt you,” Kurt concluded. “And anyone that would hurt you is an asshole.”

 

* * *

 

Eventually Blaine and Kurt returned to the party. It was in full swing. People were singing karaoke in one room, playing Halo in another and the dining room was now open for people who were talking.

 

Kurt was excited to see that someone had found another jar after the first one filled up with reasons to love Blaine. It was pretty full as well.

  
“See I told you they just needed to bone.” Santana commented as they walked into the dining room. “You owe me $10, Berry!”

 

Kurt ignored her as he headed over to talk to Mercedes.

 

Blaine went to talk to Sam.

 

“You really mauled him,” Sam laughed as Blaine sat down next to him. “I thought you two split up?”

 

“We’re back together.” Blaine corrected. “He just doesn’t know it yet.”

 

“Dude, what?” Sam asked thinking he heard Blaine wrong.

 

“He’s so cute trying to ‘woo’ me,” Blaine sighed dreamily. “But we’ve been back together since Kurt chose me over Rachel. It’s really nice to be put first.”

 

“Blaine you have to tell him. I know I’d be mad if I found out a girl was screwing with me like that.” Sam urged him.

 

“I’m scared.” Blaine admitted. “What if it's just a joke and Kurt leaves?”

 

“I don’t think he’d do that.” Sam told him, unsure. He figured Blaine knew Kurt better than he did.

 

“But what if he does?” Blaine worried. Logically he knew that Kurt wouldn’t. But that didn’t stop the little voice telling him that Kurt could do so much better than him.

 

“You’re worried for nothing.” Sam said as he got up. “It’s almost my turn for Halo. Wanna join?”

 

“Not right now. But maybe later.” Blaine smiled.

 

As Sam walked away, Santana came over from where she was talking to Brittany.

 

“Okay what’s the story? I know you didn’t go on a trip.” Santana asked invasively “Besides I heard you two broke up. Now Kurt’s throwing you a party and making people tell you why they love you. It’s pretty weird.”

 

“You’re right, I wasn’t on a trip. I tried to kill myself. Kurt saved me,” Blaine admitted, knowing it was easier to just tell her.

 

Santana gasped. “Why would you do that? You actually have potential and you’re impossible to dislike. Trust me I tried”

 

“I’ve got depression and the thoughts convinced me.” Blaine shrugged. “I’ve been in the hospital”

 

“Why were you in the hospital? Did you put a quarter up your nose?” Brittany asked loudly from behind Santana. Everyone in the room turned to look at Blaine as he blushed in embarrassment.  

 

“You were in the hospital, boo?” Mercedes asked coming over and giving him a hug.

 

Kurt had come over as well and was now arguing quietly with Santana and Brittany about being discreet and not yelling. He knew that if it was anyone else, Santana would be cursing them out, but she had a soft spot for Brittany, so she was on her side.

 

“It’s okay, I’m good now.” Blaine reassured Mercedes. “I just had a flare up of an illness I have.”

 

“Well I’m glad you feel better now.” Mercedes said honestly.

 

“Thanks.” Blaine smiled.

 

Rachel came into the dining room. “As usual, I took everyone’s breath away.” She bragged as she took a seat, not feeling the tension in the room.

 

“Come on, Blaine. I wanna sing a duet with you,” Mercedes suggested as she lead him out of the room.

 

Blaine panicked. He hadn’t sang in month and he wasn’t sure if he even could. His medicine was still putting him in a foggy place and he hadn’t warmed up. And what if she expected him to play the piano. What if the keys were broken? Or his voice cracked.

 

He could feel he was at the start of a panic attack and wanted to get back to Kurt. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Blaine apologized releasing her hand. He rushed back to Kurt quickly.

 

“You can’t just butt into a conversation like that!” Kurt sighed frustrated that Brittany just wasn’t getting it.

 

“I was joining Santana.” Brittany defended. “And I don’t know why he’s embarrassed about a quarter in his nose”

 

Blaine took Kurt’s hand and squeezed it twice, hoping Kurt got the message.

 

Kurt nodded squeezing his hand again telling Blaine he was there for him.

 

“Why are you embarrassed by a quarter? It’s happen to me 3 times!”

 

“Santana, just tell her. It’s not like everyone’s not going to find out.” Blaine sighed.

 

Blaine lead Kurt to the backyard.

 

“I can’t sing, Kurt.” Blaine announced when they were far enough away from the house.

 

“I’m sure if you just warm up a little your voice will sound right” Kurt comforted.

 

“No, I mean I can’t- I can’t go on stage and sing or play music. I panic.” Blaine explained uncomfortably.

 

Kurt kissed Blaine’s forehead. “How about we take it on instrument at a time, and leave the singing till later?”

 

“What do you mean?” Blaine tilted his head slightly in confusion.

 

Kurt pulled out Blaine’s harmonica he found in his room.

 

“Play with it. No rush. Play some notes and maybe you’ll feel a bit more comfortable.” Kurt explained soothingly

 

“What if I can’t?” Blaine muttered depressingly, not believing he could get over the anxiety to do it.

 

“Then I’ll try to be more musical for both of us.” Kurt assured. “But no matter what I’ll be there to help you and catch you if it get to be too much.”

 

Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt’s lips. “Be my boyfriend again?”

 

“That depends,” Kurt teased, “Can I be your fiance instead?”

 

“Definitely” Blaine grinned wrapping his arms around Kurt hugging him tightly.

* * *

 

Once the party died down and everyone went home, they drove over to Blaine’s house.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just drop you off?” Kurt asked as they pulled up to the house.

 

“Kurt, Cooper will probably get bored after a half hour and my mom had to go into work for a shift. You’re not going to crash family time.”   

 

Kurt parked his car and got out coming around to take Blaine’s hand as they walked to the door.

 

They slipped off their shoes as they walked in.

 

“Cooper?” Blaine yelled out looking in the living room for him. There was no answer so he checked the dining room and kitchen.

 

He sighed in disbelief at the note sitting on the table.

 

‘Went out to dinner with your friend Rachel.’

 

“Cooper’s gone,” Blaine announced, not sure why he expected more. “He’s out with Rachel.”

 

“Do they know it's not a secret if one of them tells us?” Kurt wondered.

 

“Do you realize we have a completely empty house? Do you know what we could do?” Blaine smirked.

 

“Reorganize your bedroom so it’s not so depressing?” Kurt guessed.

 

“I was going to say have a musical marathon on the big tv, but okay” Blaine laughed.

 

Kurt grabbed his hand pulling him upstairs and into his room.

 

Kurt moved quickly as he opened up his shades and let the light in.

 

Next he organized the clothing that was lying around and moved to the closest to clean it out. Blaine was following behind helping Kurt with what he needed.

 

“Is it too early to be asking if we can get an apartment here in Lima?” Kurt ask casually as he fixed Blaine’s keyboard that was falling out of his case.

 

“Lima? Why are we staying in here?” Blaine asked concerned “Is it something to do with your dad?”

 

“I told you, honey. I have work study this semester and I choose Lima to be near you and get you back.” Kurt explained carefully

 

“What’s your work study?” Blaine asked curiously

 

“I’m leading the New Directions,” Kurt smiled “Well actually I’m trying to find people interested right now”

 

“I heard Wes and Thad arguing about a girl at Dalton wanting to be a Warbler. I bet you can convince her before Crawford Country Day” Blaine noted.

 

“Actually I was hoping you could.” Kurt remarked. “You could be my co-coach. Imagine what we could do without Rachel or Mr. Shue dismissing our suggestions.”

 

“I think we should get the apartment.” Blaine agreed. “If I spend all day watching you be an insanely hot teacher, I’m not going to want to come back to my mom’s house.”

 

Kurt nodded incredibly pleased with the turn of events, as he pulled out Blaine’s record player from underneath a pile of boxes. He put it back in his place. He started putting all the clothes back into the closet, smoothing out any wrinkles.

 

“Where’s all your trophies and cameras?” Kurt looked around.

 

“In the attic somewhere. I couldn’t bear to put my digital camera in though.”

 

“How about your pictures?” Kurt asked sorting out a nasty wrinkle in Blaine’s colorful dress shirt.  

 

“The white boxes in there.”

 

Kurt looked around and found them. He brought the shirt with him knowing it needed steamed.

Blaine open one of the boxes with a watery grin. He turned it around to show Kurt. A picture of their engagement. They both looked so young.

 

As Blaine looked through more of the photos, Kurt realized why they’d been put away. They were all pictures of beautiful memories they shared from their early Dalton days up until Blaine left New York.

 

The second box had pictures of a younger Blaine with his friends at Dalton. He hadn’t seen these since the rock salt slushie incident.

 

The  third box wasn’t really much better. It was filled with memories of Finn with members of the glee club at various ages.

 

The last box seemed to be random. Pictures of Tina, Sam and Blaine. Family photos of his and Kurt’s family. Even a picture of Kurt when he was around 12.

 

Kurt grabbed that one fast. “Where did you get this, Blaine Anderson?”

 

“Your dad gave it to me years ago.” Blaine replied nonchalantly. “You’ve always been adorable.”

 

Kurt covered his eyes in disbelief.

 

“I guess you probably don’t want to know that I have baby pictures,” Blaine said, amused.

 

“Why?” Kurt began pacing.

 

“Because you’re cute,” Blaine laughed. “And I was making a slideshow for our reception”

 

Kurt stopped. “Can I see it?”

 

Blaine nodded and dug around the box until he pulled out a flash drive. He plugged it into his laptop. When the folder popped up, Kurt’s jaw dropped.

 

“That’s cheating Blaine!” Kurt said in mock offense. “You are not allowed to plan out our first 10 anniversaries before we’re even married.”

 

“Well I guess you’re going to have to try and outdo me then.” Blaine teased as he clicked on the slideshow.

 

“Aww, you’re so cute.” Kurt gushed as a baby picture of Blaine came up along side his own.

 

“I didn’t really have time to add any audio or music” Blaine admitted. “But I was almost done with the slideshow.”

 

Kurt watched the whole thing loving how cute Blaine was. He couldn’t help but fantasize about them having a baby who looked like little Blaine.

 

“I think Somewhere Only We Know would fit,” Kurt suggested.

 

“I was thinking Til There Was You, actually.” Blaine commented.

 

“That fits well too,” Kurt agreed. “But Isn't Cooper suppose to being doing this?

 

“Would you trust this to Cooper?” Blaine shuddered.

 

“No, obviously. I’m just surprised that you let him be you best man if you aren’t going to let him do anything.” Kurt reasoned.

 

“The rings-” Blaine started.

 

“I’m not sure if I’d trust Cooper with them.” Kurt said, conflicted. “Can we give them to Elliott?”

 

“Of course. He didn’t see any of the baby Kurt if you were wondering.” Blaine reassured  “I think he had plans for something. He wouldn’t tell me what it was.”

 

“You were really planning, weren’t you?” Kurt said, guilty. “I’m sorry that I was being so closed off.”

 

“Will you help me plan now?” Blaine asked insecurely.  

 

Kurt leaned over and kissed him quickly. “Of course, I’d love too.”

 

* * *

 

Later that night after Blaine’s room had been fixed and their musical marathon was interrupted by Cooper, they did their nighttime routine.

 

Kurt discovered that Blaine hadn’t been doing any of his moisturizing routine because he couldn’t will himself to do. So Kurt did it for him. When he was halfway done, Blaine pulled him away from the bottles and initiated a make out session, because Kurt was being too cute with his expression.

 

Kurt eventually pulled away about twenty minutes later, the lotion smeared on both their faces.

 

“We’ve got to take our medicine now, honey.” Kurt told Blaine wiping his face as Blaine pouted

 

Kurt headed to Blaine’s bathroom and grabbed a few pill bottles. He took the pills meant for Blaine out and handed them to him. Then he pulled a bottle out of his own bag and took his own.

 

Once they had both washed them down, Kurt practically pounced on Blaine kissing him dirtily. It didn’t take much time for clothes to start flying off.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll admit as someone who is bipolar, A lot of Blaine's thoughts are also some I have.


End file.
